How I assume this moment really played.
That moment you do something really cool….accidentally.
Holy Shit! Nick Offerman’s before picture. I think my bacon just got crispy!
Easter Sunday rant (The Holy Three)
1) I want to punch people in the face who can’t just say “Happy Easter!” and move on. I don’t give a fuck what you believe in or why you hate Easter! It’s Easter Sunday on the calendar so say “HAPPY FUCKING EASTER!”, and then move the fuck along. I have chocolate bunnies and jelly beans to worship here and I don’t have time for your opinions!
2) Chill out with the fucking selfies already. I get taking one or two a day, but we do not need to see a picture of you drinking all six beers individually. It’s the same beer and your same face! Take one picture and then add x6 in the caption. We will all get it.
3) It’s a proven fact that the more weight a person gains the shorter their arms appear to become when taking a selfie, and vice versa. When they are skinny the selfie is in a full length mirror, full body, toes to top of their head. Now fast forward to their fat selfie and it looks like they are having trouble holding the phone more than 2 feet away from the good side (the one without frosting on it) of their face. Like other people can’t tell that you have gained some weight, it’s not like they don’t see the 8 meals you take pictures of everyday. Quit being fake and hiding behind filters and selfie-cropping. Take a picture of yourselfie or don’t take one at all. I look like a 60 year old skeleton right now, so I stopped taking selfies. And you are welcome!
You are all typing too loud